


Kevin Day Hated Christmas

by erosandhades



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, I don't care tho I make the rules, Kevin POV, Kevin is a mess, Kevin is oblivious, M/M, Might be a little bit OOC - Freeform, Pining, Soft Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, They're best friends, lot's of swearing, so much pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:34:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28340226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erosandhades/pseuds/erosandhades
Summary: Kevin Day hated Christmas and no one but himself, his dad and stepmother knew why, and that was the way he wanted things to be. But after an unexpected night and a situation that changes everything, Kevin wonders if maybe the future holds more than he thought possible.
Relationships: Kevin Day/Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 5
Kudos: 86





	Kevin Day Hated Christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [paperback-rainbows](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=paperback-rainbows).



> HIYA!
> 
> This work was born as a part of the AFTF Server Secret-Santa Exchange and I'm so happy that I got to write this for Mya. It was really fun writing it, and when she told me she liked it, it made the rest of this year so much brighter. Thank you so much for everything, Mya. You're amazing.  
> Now, though, I got to share it with the rest of you guys, and I really, really hope you all like it as well. So here is my Christmas gift for you all! <3
> 
> T.Ws: panic attacks, flashbacks, crying, claustrophobia; mentions to: paranoia, screaming, blood, death, threats, tiny spaces, hostage situation, trauma, fire, child abuse, sexual abuse; implied: torture, violence.

Kevin Day hated Christmas.

It was the worst time of the year, and no matter how far the school and his dad tried, he couldn’t ever imagine himself getting into the “Christmas Spirit”.

As soon as Thanksgiving passed, the school started to put up the Christmas decorations, and Kevin thanked every god-damn-year for the rush of finals, so he wouldn’t see the garlands, the green, gold, and red all around, and immediately think about that night. He shoved his head in books, practices after classes, and into his routine with as much force as he could muster, but never did in another time of the year. He focused on getting his grades up, on exercising his body till it screamed, and he focused _so_ _much fucking harder_ on not letting himself stumble at the sight of Neil’s damp hair, or the flush on Andrew’s face after practice. 

It would be an embarrassment he wouldn’t allow himself to go through. Ok, that’s not actually right, because if making himself a fool for those two stopped him from thinking about the shadow of a candle and the whisperer of a night he couldn’t, _wouldn’t,_ put back on the surface of his brain, he would take it. He would gag and he would fucking beg Andrew and Neil for a kiss, if only the memories didn’t come rushing in uninvited, screaming when they weren’t supposed to. 

It was better they stayed a whisper. Distant and shapeless, like the smoke coming up from a place too far away for it to be an immediate danger.

Even if it still burned. Even if it still spread and turned everything into ashes.

Kevin sighed under the water’s pressure. He reached down to his shampoo on the ground and worked the product onto his black locks with efficiency, since even if he would love to stay under the cascade of hot water, Andrew’s patience only lasted so long, and he needed the blond to give him a ride home due to the cold.

He smiled fondly at the memory of Andrew’s muscled arms crossed and an _“I’m not pouting, Day”_ on his face, when Kevin had delayed their time for smoothies (and a milkshake for Andrew) after Monday’s practice. Neil had laughed brightly and Kevin had felt so full of something he couldn’t quite name right, he had laughed himself.

He didn’t want to think about the looks on their faces when Kevin smiled. It wasn’t real anyway, it was just Kevin’s wishful thinking.

He sighed again as he turned off the shower, grabbed his towel, wrapped it around his hips, and got out of the stall.

“About damn time,” Andrew’s gruff voice came from the wall where he was leaning beside Neil. His arms were crossed in front of his wide chest and he was wearing a blue sweater Kevin was almost sure was Neil’s when he thought he saw Andrew’s eyes go rapidly up and down his naked and wet torso.

But he wasn’t sure. It probably didn’t happen. 

“Sorry,” Kevin rolled his eyes. “I’ll be ready in two minutes.”

“Make it one and maybe he’ll forgive you,” Neil raised his eyebrow at Kevin, mirth in his eyes matching the green Slytherin sweater he was wearing and telling him that he enjoyed annoying Andrew just as much as Kevin did. He said it was cute, and Kevin agreed with that, if only internally, since he wouldn’t say that out loud, especially about his best friend’s boyfriend, who he had an absolutely, terrible, gut-wrenching crush. Just like the one he had on his best friend as well.

_God, why was Kevin such a mess? Did he really manage to not only fall for his best friend, but for his best friend’s boyfriend, who was also his other best friend? Jesus Christ. This didn’t even make sense._

Kevin averted his eyes from the couple waiting for him on the wall and turned around to get changed without showing them his bits. He sprayed deodorant on himself and put on his clothes, which he had left waiting for him folded on the locker room’s bench, as fast as he could, and when he turned back, wearing his black hoodie and jeans, he saw that Neil was blushing and looking around, and Andrew was looking down at his black and shiny Doc Martens with a blank expression. 

_Ugh, they were probably flirting while he changed and stopped now because of Kevin._

He didn’t know if he wanted to be thankful for that or not.

He sat down on the bench, grabbed his shoes and socks from his locker, and quickly put on his boots, tied them up, and got up. Shouldering his duffel bag, and making sure to have his outside coat and gloves in hand, Kevin walked to them with as much serenity and blankness as he could manage at this time of the year.

"Let's go.”

Neil smiled softly at him, pink still coloring his cheeks, and led the way to the door, Andrew following close behind. Kevin, staring longingly as the couple went out the door and to the empty halls of their school, sighed once more and followed them out to the winter chill.

~

They were just outside of the school parking lot when Neil said it.

“I need to get back to the school after,” he was riding shotgun and watching the street passing by, as usual, and Andrew was behind the wheel with a hand on Neil’s thigh, as usual.

“What? We were just there, why do you need to get back?” Kevin raised his brow from where he was, apart from them in the middle of the backseat, as usual. 

“Because he left his notebook with the English teacher, and she said she would return it to him by 6 p.m, so we’ll be back by then to grab it,” Andrew answered as he turned the car on the main street of their city. 

It would be just a couple more blocks down the road and then they would arrive at Sweetie’s, therefore there was not enough time for the redness in Andrew’s cheeks, due to the cold, to fade. Kevin felt grateful satisfaction at that, but tried to hide it, so instead of letting it show all over his face and make him do something stupid, he focused on what Andrew had just said to him. 

He frowned. He didn’t like the idea of coming home even later than normal. 

“Why did you lend it to her?” he asked Neil.

“Because I made an observation in class, and she wanted to see my notes about it,” Neil rolled his eyes, as if that was no big deal, but that wasn’t the last time a teacher was impressed by Neil’s commentaries in class, and it wouldn’t be the last, for sure. Neil was super fucking smart, and Kevin was so, so proud of him. 

“Nerd,” Kevin rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t manage to stifle the little smile tugging on the edge of his lips.

“I’m not a nerd,” Neil turned in his seat with a grimace on his own face, as if they didn’t have that discussion every day for the last three years they had been in high school. 

“Yes, you are, and you’re going to get the best scholarships there are out there, both for athletics and for academic value. Be proud of that, you fucker,” Andrew answered monotonously, still driving and not looking anywhere but the busy street, but the fact that he answered at all was the indicator of how Andrew felt about the situation. He was proud of Neil just as much as Kevin, or maybe even more.

As he should.

Neil only huffed and turned back to look out his window, because even if Neil had the tendency of lying by underestimating things about himself, he wasn’t dumb. Actually, the point was that he was exactly the opposite of that, and that being said, he wouldn’t start a fight he knew he couldn’t win.

Most of the time, at least. Sometimes he would instigate a fight and run just for the fun of it. The fucker.

A chuckle escaped Kevin’s mouth before he could try to stop it, and Neil’s eyes found him in the rearview mirror because of the sound. Neil smiled brightly and his blue eyes seemed to be filled with fondness, so much that Kevin averted his eyes. It was too much and surely it wasn’t in the way he wanted it to be. 

Thankfully, it was right then that Andrew parked the car and turned it off. They had arrived at Sweetie’s, and with the speed Andrew was buckling out and going out of the car, it looked like he hadn't eaten a milkshake in months, not a couple of days. Neil chuckled at his antics, but followed him out just as fast. He was a sucker for the strawberry and watermelon smoothie, even if it was winter and he would probably freeze his brain out, just like Andrew. Kevin, though, stayed behind for a bit. 

As Neil clicked the door closed and followed Andrew, who was opening the door of the establishment as if he owned the place, Kevin sighed. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 

_It’s going to be fine, Kevin. One more week and then you’ll be on winter break. One more week and you can stay locked inside your bedroom. One more week and you can stop pretending you’re fine._

A knock on the window startled him. It was Neil. He looked worried, with a preoccupied look on his eyes matching the slight frown on his face. He was flushed because of the biting wind ruffling his auburn curls, and not even the hood of his fluffy winter coat could stop him from shivering slightly, but he still waited for Kevin. He always waited for Kevin. He-

Kevin shook his head slightly and opened the door of the car. The wind and the cold assaulted his senses immediately, making him shiver even if he usually dealt really well with the cold. Neil stepped back so Kevin could get out, and as soon as Kevin closed the door and hugged himself for a little more warmth, Neil got closer.

He peered up at Kevin, and Kevin looked down at him, waiting for whatever Neil might want to say, but he just looked at Kevin’s face for a few moments with the worry all over his expressions becoming more accentuated by the second.

“I’m fine, Neil,” Kevin rolled his eyes, trying to keep the mood light.

“That’s my line,” and even if that was a common joke between them, Neil still looked worried. 

Neil knew at least a little bit of why Kevin was always out of sorts that time of the year. He knew enough to leave Kevin alone when needed, and to offer his shoulder when Kevin agreed to it. He never pried for more though, and only took what Kevin was willing to give. Still, sometimes, like this one, Kevin felt compelled to tell his best friend more, especially since he knew Neil would only support him, not pity him, and it would be good to lift the weight of that night off his shoulders, if only for a bit. But he couldn’t. He always choked on his words, and at the end of the day, Neil already had enough to deal with. Kevin didn’t need to add more trauma onto Neil’s baggage, even if he was better now since he moved in with his uncle. The scars were still visible on his face though, fresh and red, and even if Kevin’s were deep inside his soul instead of burnt on his flesh, they still felt too new for him to share them completely with Neil.

“I’m good, really,” Kevin said, and managed a small smile to tug on his lips. Neil wasn’t fooled though, but even if he knew better, he still let it go. Because he didn’t push. He never did.

“Fine,” Neil said, and a small smile of his own quirked on the corner of his mouth. “But you’ll drink your smoothie with whole fat milk today.”

“No,” Kevin started to protest. Whole fat milk smoothies were for bad days and this was _not_ a bad day. He knew what his bad days looked like, but Neil didn’t let him finish.

“Yes, don’t argue with me,” Neil turned around and chuckled, as he walked away to the door of the establishment.

Kevin rolled his eyes as he followed his ~~crush~~ friend to the diner. Andrew was by the door waiting for them, which surprised Kevin. Andrew _hated_ the cold, and his shivering, flushed, scowling face told them that that still hasn’t changed. Why was he outside though when he had already entered? Kevin had seen him going in.

“Could you two stop making me late for my milkshake degustation?” the blond gritted behind his shivering teeth. “Now I’m freezing to death and I’ll need a coffee to warm up before I start.”

“Sorry, baby,” Neil walked up to him and involved Andrew’s triple-layered-coat form in his arms. The blond tucked his hands in Neil’s coat and his face on Neil’s neck. “We can come in now.”

They walked in like that, involved in each other, and Kevin was a few steps behind thinking how he wished he could be the one to warm up Andrew. How he wished he could envelop Neil and Andrew in his arms in the winter chill, and keep them both close to his chest against the freezing breeze and the warm rays of the sun in the summer. He wished he could be part of something he had no right to wish.

And when Andrew looked back through Neil’s shoulders to him as they made their way to their booth on the corner, Kevin thought he could see Andrew’s eyes wandering the same thing too. But Andrew was an enigma. Kevin couldn’t be sure, and probably that was just Kevin’s wishful thinking analyzing glances that meant nothing but Andrew making sure their third wheel was not delaying them anymore. 

_Right_ , Kevin sighed internally.

They sat down with a huff on the leathered chairs. Andrew and Neil were still involved in each other on one side of the table, and Kevin was alone on the other, just like every Monday and Wednesday for more than a year now, which was when they began coming to Sweetie’s for smoothies and milkshakes. In the beginning, they had decided to taste all the flavors, but Neil and Kevin had rapidly chosen their favorites, unlike Andrew. He was on his third spin on the menu, trying every flavor available for the third time, and he said he couldn’t manage to decide yet, but Kevin and Neil both agreed that that was just an excuse. Probably, at least. They knew Andrew had a couple of favorites, he ordered them once every couple of weeks at least, but he always rotated on the other days. “ _T_ _o keep things interesting,_ ” he said. But if that was the real reason, no one but Andrew himself would know.

“Which one for today?” Neil asked Andrew, who was currently analyzing the menu, his head resting on Neil’s shoulder.

Andrew hummed.

“I think I’ll go with dulce de leche and coconut today.”

“Exotic,” Neil chuckled as he looked at Kevin.

Kevin agreed with a light chuckle himself.

“Yeah, whatever. I need that coffee first though,” Andrew closed and tapped down the menu with a _bang._

“No need for violence,” Kevin teased, a corner of his lips lifting up. “We’ll get your coffee pretty soon, and your tiny body will be warm again.”

Andrew’s glare could freeze hell.

“Say that again.”

“You won’t hurt me,” Kevin now had a full-on smirk on his face. He _loved_ teasing Andrew, even if his next words hurt more than he would ever show with the playful expression he had on, “Who would be your third wheel if not me?”

“Right,” Andrew rolled his eyes and scoffed, turning his eyes to the table.

“Kevin-” Neil started, and he had a conflicted look on his face, but then Nicky approached them.

“Hello, guys,” his megawatt smile almost blinding Kevin. “What will be your order today?”

“A cappuccino for me,” Andrew answered.

“No milkshake?” Nicky looked spooked, as if Andrew not having a milkshake would shake the balance of the worlds. _It probably would, though,_ Kevin fondly thought. 

Make no mistake, Kevin _didn’t_ like that Andrew ate so poorly. If he could, he would make the blond eat as healthy as he could, and start a more disciplined lifestyle since that would do wonders for him, but his lovesick foolishness made him find Andrew’s sweet tooth and laziness endearing, even when it still left him perpetually exasperated and trying to introduce more healthy meals onto Andrew’s diet.

Without success, obviously.

“It will be after the coffee. He needs to warm up a bit,” Neil replied with a fond grin at the blond.

“Right, I have to say I can see the need for that,” Nicky laughed. “Since it started snowing last week it’s _really_ been freezing, and now I can’t even judge you for not liking winter, Andrew.”

“You only like winter because you didn’t have it growing up,” Andrew was scowling at his cousin. 

“Yes, exactly, but this last week has been hell, I can tell you that,” Nicky agreed easily. He turned his smile to Kevin now, “And what will be your order?”

“I’ll-”

“He will have a kiwi and melon whole fat milk smoothie,” Neil grinned at Nicky.

“Whole fat milk, uh?” Nicky noted it down on his tiny notebook. “It’s one of those days, then?”

“No, it-”

“Yes, yes it is,” Neil smiled at Kevin now, winking for him to shut up.

Kevin only could glare and internally freaking out because of that wink. That was _not fair._

“Ok, and you Neil?” 

“I want the banana and honey smoothie, thank you.”

“Y’all going crazy with the orders today,” Nicky chuckled. “I think the last time you ordered this one was the beginning of the term.”

“Yeah,” Neil grimaced. “It’s just that kind of day, you know? Biology sucks.”

“Oh, yeah,” Nicky’s face reflected Neil’s grimace. “I used to hate winter finals. But anyway, I’ll go in with your orders. If you want anything else just scream my name,” Nicky smiled and walked away at his perpetually fast pace.

Kevin turned his frown on Neil.

“I didn’t want the whole fat milk smoothie.”

“Live a little, Day,” Neil rolled his eyes, his hand caressing Andrew’s hair, who was still leaning on his shoulder. “It won’t kill you. And you deserve it,” Neil winked with a small smile on his lips.

“Yes, you do,” Andrew hummed with his non-sense voice, but his eyes were closed, and he looked like he was about to purr with Neil’s caresses on his scalp. It was so soft, and Kevin felt his heart swell at the sight of Andrew so relaxed. It had taken time for him to let his guard down around Kevin, but he was always grateful for seeing it. This didn’t make him any less confused about what they were talking about though.

“Why would I deserve it?” Kevin was thoroughly confused. “I know I went well in practice, but that’s not news. And our grades won't come till next week.”

Neil rolled his eyes again. It was something he did a lot when around Kevin.

“Because,” he had a shit-eating grin on his face. “Being the favorite student, and also crazily nosy has its advantages.”

Well, that seemed interesting.

“What did you discover?” Kevin eagerly asked, leaning on his elbows on the table and inclining himself forward.

“Congratulations,” Neil's smile turned soft, and something else Kevin couldn’t quite know what it was. It made his heart stutter in his chest, but that was certainly forgotten with Neil’s next words, “You got an A+ in Advanced Physics.”

_“What?”_

Kevin covered his mouth with his hand. He couldn’t help his scream. Ad Physics had been biting his ass since he started it this term, the formulas and concepts mingling in his head and forming a fucking hurricane that left him spiraling. After the midterm exams, which he hadn’t done well in, he went to ask Neil for help, since he had already taken the class the year before, the smart fucker. They had studied _so fucking hard_ for those finals, and now hearing all those late-night facetime calls, and his anxiety crisis before he turned in every homework, had somehow had been worth it, was _so good._

“Yes,” Neil kept smiling at him. He seemed to be flushing lightly, but Kevin thought it might be a trick of the light. “You certainly deserve your fucking smoothie, Kevin.”

“Right,” Kevin answered dumbly. He couldn’t believe it yet. It was too good to be true. But, wait, there was one thing he didn’t quite understand about all of that. “Wait, how did Andrew know this before me?”

“Because I was the one who distracted the teacher so Neil could check the list out,” Andrew answered without opening his eyes. Neil seemed to have stopped playing with his hair though, so he frowned and nudged Neil with his head until the auburn-haired boy rolled his eyes and returned to caress his boyfriend. Andrew sighed happily.

“In times like this I’m certain your animal spirit is a cat,” Neil murmured, his expression clearly fond even if a tiny bit exasperated.

“Shut up. You’re warm, and that’s it,” Andrew grumbled, but contradicted himself by planting a small kiss on Neil’s cheek before turning to his place on Neil’s shoulder again, making Neil grin and glow with love.

Kevin tried not to pay attention to the mix of affection and jealousy at their easy dynamics. He wanted to be a part of it _so fucking much_ that the want was turning on his gut, so instead he focused on the news, letting his eyes wander around the diner, which was busy at that time of the day. 

_An A+ in Ad Physics. Damn._ This would be good for his college applications even if he didn’t know exactly what he wanted to major in. The only certainty he had was that he wanted it to have lots of History.

“This will be good for my college applications,” Kevin said, still somewhat not believing he had made it. He hadn’t done it alone though. He turned his eyes to Neil again, who seemed to be watching him with a considerate look on his face. “Thank you so much. I wouldn’t be able to do it without you.”

“You’re welcome. The merit is all yours though, you were the one who took the test and studied hard. I only helped a little bit,” Neil shrugged.

“No, you saved my life,” Kevin grabbed Neil’s hand that was on the table and held it between both of his. He looked inside Neil’s blue eyes in earnest gratitude. “I would’ve received another C- if it weren’t for you. You did this, and I’m so, so grateful for you. Accept my gratitude, Neil.”

“A-alright,” Neil nodded and his eyes seemed a little wide.

“Great, now you broke him, Day,” Andrew hummed, his hazel eyes open now and flying between Neil and Kevin with a thoughtful gaze.

_Oh, fuck._

Kevin must have shown his affection too much. He exposed himself too much. Neil was scared of him. Andrew noticed it.

_Shit, shit, shit._

Kevin laughed it off, as if it was a joke, and released Neil’s hand. Thankfully, before he could embarrass himself more, Nicky came back with their orders.

With it, they transitioned to other subjects. Safer ones. And as the time passed and they sipped on their drinks, insulted each other, and Neil spilled the gossip of the week, Kevin felt himself warm up. Just enough that he almost forgot the tiny ache in his heart that had the shape of his best friends. Just enough that when he looked outside at the window beside him and saw snow falling, he didn’t immediately see the silent threat of a frozen rose. Just enough that when it got difficult to open his eyes in the mornings, he would remember this moment and do it anyway.

Just enough.

~

“Okay, where is it?”

“She said it would be in her classroom.”

“Which one?”

“I guess the one I have classes with her.”

“Could you two please speak a little bit quieter?”

“No,” they both said at the same time.

“Assholes,” Kevin rolled his eyes.

“There is no one here, it’s fine,” Neil assured him, speaking quietly as they moved through the hallways of their school despite his denial. “The janitors have already cleaned after classes. We’re the only ones here until tomorrow.”

“Are you sure?” Kevin side-eyed him with suspicion, but it was Andrew who answered.

“I know their schedules. There won’t be anyone here until 5 a.m.”

“And why do you know the janitors’ schedule?” Kevin turned to him, who was on his other side, with an arched brow as they walked.

“It could be useful,” Andrew shrugged. He had taken off his outside coat, and it was hanging from where it was folded in his arms, so now he was only wearing Neil’s blue sweater from earlier, along with his boots and jeans. He looked fucking hot, and Kevin _should not be thinking about that_.

He turned his eyes to the hall in front of them, and adjusted his grip on his own winter coat and gloves, which he had taken out when they got inside the school.

“Right. Sure. Useful.”

Neil giggled at that, the sound making Kevin wanna smile despite himself, but Kevin didn’t turn to him to ask why he was giggling. They had arrived in the classroom.

“You can wait here if you want to,” Neil said as he opened the door.

Neither of them answered, and they walked in behind Neil. Kevin, because he was curious. He didn’t have classes in that room, and he wanted to see how Mrs. Clarke organized it, just because. Andrew, probably because he would go everywhere Neil went.

So they walked in, and immediately regretted it as a breeze coming from only God knows where came in and closed the door with a loud _bang._

The three of them looked at it with mixed wariness, surprise, and boredom on their faces.

“Well, that was creepy,” Neil said as he turned around and continued to walk to the teacher’s table. He left his coat and gloves on top of the table, which was empty, and then proceeded to start to look through the drawers. Andrew went to him to help look for it.

Kevin stood regarding the door with wariness. Why were his instincts telling him to despair even if nothing happened at all? Surely the door…

Wait a goddamn minute.

He went to the door and tried to open it.

It. Didn’t. Fucking. Open.

“Aha!” Neil’s victorious voice came from behind him, but Kevin didn’t care if Neil had found the fucking notebook or not. The door wasn’t opening. Why wasn’t it opening?

Kevin shook the handle, and tried over and over and over to open the fucking door. _Why the_ _fuck wasn’t it fucking opening?_

"Whatcha’ doing there, Day?” Andrew’s drawled voice was coming closer.

Kevin looked around and he knew he looked terrified. It put a pause in Andrew’s step and even Neil now looked worried.

“It’s not opening. We’re trapped.”

“What do you mean?” Andrew was now beside him and slapped Kevin’s hand from the handle of the door, starting to try to open it himself.

“It won’t open, Andrew, I already tried,” Kevin said exasperated. He was trying the same thing Kevin already did over and over, and that wouldn’t fucking get them out of here.

“Then how the fuck did we get in?” Andrew’s low voice asked as he kneeled on the floor and started to study the lock.

“Well,” Neil’s voice was beside him, and Kevin startled. He didn’t realize that Neil was there. The auburn-haired boy was inclined and studying the lock as well. “It was open when we got here, we can surely open it again.”

“How?” Now that both of them were grouching in some way, Kevin towered even further on them. He never felt that fucking tall before. 

“I can pick locks, you know it, and we’re in a classroom, so I figure it won’t be hard to find things to do it,” Neil straightened his back to its usual height, and looked up at Kevin, completely calm.

His tranquility started to put Kevin more at ease. Not much, they were still trapped, but there was a way out.

“Ok-”

“It won’t work.”

 _Fuck_ tranquility.

“What?” Kevin turned to Andrew, his heart beginning to race much fucking faster.

Andrew was still kneeling and studying the lock with intense scrutiny on his face.

“It won’t work because the door isn’t locked. It is open.”

“Then why the fuck can’t we go out?” Kevin’s voice was starting to quiver and pitch high but he didn’t fucking care. 

He needed to get out of there.

“It looks like it’s stuck,” Andrew’s voice was still calm and low, as if they were not _fucking trapped_. “It might be rust. God knows this school needs a reform.”

“How can you be so calm about this?” Kevin was almost screaming.

“Because,” Andrew stood and looked up at Kevin as if he was dumb. “We have cellphones. We can call your dad or Nicky, even fucking Aaron to open this up for us.”

“Ugh,” Neil’s voice was much distant from them now. And now it had a tinge of worry to it that made Kevin’s heart almost stop. “I don’t think that will work.”

Both Kevin and Andrew looked around. Neil was on the other side of the room, looking outside through the window to what seemed to be the beginning of a bad snowstorm.

It was impossible to have a phone signal in Palmetto when there was a snowstorm, or even a rainstorm. Everyone knew that.

They were trapped for real.

“ _Fucking shitting fucking fuck.”_

“Hey, hey, hey,” Neil’s hands were on his shoulders, a frown on his beautiful face. How did he get to him so fast? He had been by the window just then.

It was then that Kevin realized he was not breathing and that his vision was blurring.

Oh great, now he was panicking.

“It’s alright. Breathe with me, Kev,” Neil’s blue eyes were wide and the only thing clear to Kevin at that moment. But Kevin _couldn’t fucking breathe._ “Slowly in and out. 1, 2, 3, 4. Wait a second. And let it out. With me, Kev.”

Kevin tried. He tried so much. The blueness was helping him center and focus, but he still couldn’t manage to get the fucking air in. He could only see a wooden door, feel the rustling of clothes behind his back, and hear _no, no, no._

“C’mon, baby, breathe with me,” Neil’s voice was getting distant by the second. And he was probably starting to hallucinate as well. Did Neil just call him baby? He couldn’t know for sure. He could only hear himself scream _let me out_ . He could only hear the furious and desperate _no’s_ from a voice that had never yelled before. He could only feel the utmost feeling of incapacity and then he could only see the blood start to pour in from the gap under the door.

He was there again. He was fucking there.

But he wasn’t.

“Breathe, Kevin,” came the grumble of Andrew’s voice on his ear, and when a warm hand positioned itself on his neck, forcing his head and his torso down, he finally choked in a breath.

“That’s it,” Neil’s voice was closer now. “In and out, Kev. Slowly. With me.” His hand was grabbed and put on what Kevin assumed was Neil’s torso. He followed the slow up and down of Neil’s chest, and after what felt like hours, his vision started to clear again.

He was sitting on the classroom’s floor, being rocked from side to side. His head was on Neil’s chest and he was instinctively mirroring his slow deep breaths, his arms around Neil's waist, clutching him tightly. He didn’t have a clear memory of going to that position, but it was soothing and calming, with Neil’s hands holding him so softly, caressing his upper back and neck with a delicacy that no one would think such a scarred hand could produce, so he stayed that way for a little bit more and tried to get a clearer figure about the situation. He realized then that his face was wet, so he probably had cried but stopped at some point. They were still in the classroom, which didn’t surprise him, but he was feeling so tired and calmed down by Neil’s touch that the thought made him feel nothing but discomfort now. The floor was cold, but the room was still warm with the heating system of the school working for 24 hours straight, which was a good thing, since they wouldn’t freeze. He couldn’t see Andrew, but he could feel warmth on his back, so he assumed Andrew was right behind him, sitting on the floor as well, and watching him hug his boyfriend like a koala.

It was that thought that made him want to let Neil go, but before he could, a hand was put on his back. It was not moving, it just laid there on top of his column, but it was warm, and it was Andrew’s hand. Kevin melted again against Neil, taking that touch, _the first time Andrew had ever touched him_ , as permission to stay in Neil’s arms, even if it was a little uncomfortable, because Kevin had to twist a lot to have his much taller body fit against Neil’s. But it was alright. So he stayed that way, welcoming the warmth and the comfort being given to him.

They just breathed together for a long time.

So long that Kevin was starting to doze off in the tranquility provided by the touch of the only two people he trusted enough to allow that amount of closeness in a moment of instability. And that was when Neil spoke up again.

“I didn’t know you were claustrophobic,” it was said quietly, as if he didn’t want to interrupt whatever was happening between them at that moment. 

Incredibly, it didn’t.

“Yeah,” Kevin replied just as quietly, breathing deeply into Neil's neck, cataloging the way he smelled in his brain, so he could relive this moment when it was officially over and he returned to be the third wheel again. “I’m sorry you both had to see that.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Andrew clicked his tongue, moving his hand to the middle of Kevin’s back. “You don’t have to be sorry for shit.”

“Exactly,” Neil agreed, one of his hands moving to caress Kevin’s scalp. This time, it was Kevin who almost purred, relaxing with it. Oh, Neil was good at that. “You don’t have to explain or feel sorry about it.”

Kevin sighed.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Neil said quietly against Kevin’s hair. “Now sleep a bit. I know panic attacks can be quite taxing, and we won’t be going anywhere for a long time, anyway.”

“I’ll try to work on the door,” Andrew continued, his hand unmovable from Kevin’s back, but still passing comfort and determination into him, making Kevin relax even further. They would get out of there. Andrew would make sure of it. “See if I can manage to make it unstuck. You can rest.”

“Ok,” Kevin weakly answered, his eyes fluttering shut.

The hand on his back disappeared, but he heard quiet steps to his right, which meant Neil was leaning by the wall beside the door of the classroom. It was a good thing, then, they would stay close. And as if answering that thought, Neil’s arms tightened around him. 

Kevin’s thoughts started to drift and he was definitely asleep when he heard “I’m right here, love, and I won’t let you go. You can rest.”

That was quite a nice dream to have.

~

Quiet voices whispered. 

“-something about that?”

“Not much. I won’t tell you, but there is a reason he gets… Different this time of the year.”

“Hm. How bad is it?”

“It’s _bad._ I mean, I never thought of it that way, but what happened today makes me reconsider all the things I thought I knew about it.”

A hand caressed his forehead softly.

“Do you think it’s as bad as us?”

“I think so. But in a different way, considering he was repeating those things.”

_What? What was I repeating?_

“Yeah. Me too.”

“Do you think we should talk to him?”

“Only if he wants to.”

“Sure,” a pause. “I just wish we could help him.”

“I don’t think we can.”

Arms tightened around him, the caress on his scalp began again, and even if he wanted to stay awake and listen more, Kevin drifted again as he thought _“You do help. More than you could ever know.”_

~

Someone was [ humming ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9wrGmsJMw4).

It was quiet. The only sound around him was soft, words in a language he couldn’t identify, and making him feel at peace. 

_“Bayu-bayushki-bayu, ne lozhisya na krayu. Pridot seren'ki volchok i ukhvatit za bochok.”_

It was quiet. The voice was in tune, and it was as light as air.

_“On ukhvatit za bochok i potashchit vo lesok, i potashchit vo lesok.”_

A second voice was singing now as well. It was also in tune, but it was deeper. More present.

_“Pod rakitovyy kustok. K nam, volchok, ne khodi, nashu Mashu ne budi. Bayu-bayushki-bayu, ne lozhisya na krayu.”_

A kiss was pressed to his forehead. The song was sung to his skin and he had never felt better. 

_“Pridot seren'ki volchok i ukhvatit za bochok. On ukhvatit za bochok i potashchit vo lesok, i utashchit vo lesok.”_

Hands were warm around his waist, softly caressing it on top of his shirt.

_“Pod malinovyy kustok. A malinka upadot, Pryamo Katen'ke v rot. Bayu-bayushki-bayu, ne lozhisya na krayu.”_

He was in the middle of two people, who enveloped him in warmth and comfort. He had never felt so at peace. So loved. 

He was also really, really, really tired.

_“Pridot seren'ki volchok i ukhvatit za bochok. On ukhvatit za bochok i potashchit vo lesok, i potashchit vo lesok. Pod osinovyy kustok.”_

They were singing to him as if soothing him. He didn’t know why, though. 

The voices and the caresses started to carry him away again. He was drifting. 

_“Ty k nam, volchik, ne khodi, nashu Mashu ne budi. Bayu-bayushki-bayu, ne lozhisya na krayu. Pridot seren'ki volchok i ukhvatit za bochok.”_

He was on the edge of falling asleep, but the voices were familiar. He was almost recognizing them. He wanted to tell them he felt good, that they didn’t need to soothe him, that they made him happy. They seemed to be worried and he wanted to tell them not to be, that he loved them. But they were achieving their goal, and Kevin was almost gone. 

“ _On ukhvatit za bochok i potashchit vo lesok, a tam babushka zhivot i kalachiki pechot, i detishkam prodayot, a Vanyushe tak dayot._ ” 

Just as Kevin was about to sleep, he heard, “Sleep well, _moya lyubov'. Bol'she nikakikh koshmarov._ No more nightmares for you, my love.”

“You’re a sap even in Russian.”

“Shut up, Andrew.”

But it was said with love. And feeling that love, Kevin finally slept again.

~

Kevin woke up suddenly and he couldn’t figure out why. 

As his eyes opened, he saw that he was still in the classroom. He was lying down now, and looking more closely he saw that his head was now on Neil’s lap and his legs were on Andrew’s, who was beside Neil with a hand on top of Kevin’s leg as if he had been stroking it, and they had their hands linked on top of Kevin’s stomach, both of them fast asleep. It was a different position than when he had fallen asleep and he wondered when they had moved him, and how he did not wake up with that.

It was still dark outside, but Kevin felt more awake than he had felt in a long time. He didn’t know the hour, but since before Thanksgiving, he hadn’t felt so well-rested, even if he had had a panic attack before sleeping, so he figured he must have slept for at least 10 hours. Which meant it was too late to be called night and too early to be called morning, and now he wouldn’t be able to sleep anymore.

As he wondered about what he would do now that he was awake and how could he get out of that position without waking both Neil and Andrew, his stomach grumbled.

Oh, he was hungry. So _that '_ _s_ why he woke up.

But how could he eat? Would Mrs. Clarke have any snacks in the drawers? She might. It was worth looking, anyway. 

With a lot of time and minute movements, he managed to get up and get out of both Neil and Andrew’s laps without waking them up. Actually, he thought he woke them up once or twice, maybe even more times, but he pretended he was asleep, and then they eventually went back to sleep as well. It took time, but now he was up and stretching, feeling his muscles sore from sleeping in such bad positions and on the ground, but still, he didn’t regret a thing, even if he exposed himself and went down a short spiral of panic on the way. 

He had slept with Neil and Andrew caressing and taking care of him, and he couldn’t regret anything in between that. He savored every fucking second of it. It had been a taste of what he had always wanted, and now that he had it, he wanted more. But, well, he couldn’t. He couldn’t have it, because what he had had was because they were worried about him. They didn’t like him the way he liked them. They were good friends, and they were good people, so they took care of him, and being touch-starved as he was, they made sure to make him feel safe the way they could. Hell, even Andrew had touched him, and he didn’t know if that was a dream or a memory, but he was quite sure Andrew hugged him at some point, and he would treasure those moments with all he had. It demonstrated that Andrew cared about him, in his own way, which was some news for Kevin, since he had always thought Andrew could barely tolerate him.

As he stepped quietly around the room to go to the teacher’s desk, he was quite sure it had all been a dream, though.

Kevin knelt on the ground in front of the desk and tried to open the first drawer slowly in case it made any sounds. It went easily and quietly, but with only a glance he could see there was nothing inside that drawer but papers and some pens. He closed it just as carefully as he had opened it, and passed to the second one. This was a little bit more difficult to open since it seemed rusty, but eventually, he managed. Nothing either, only some other stationery stuff. On the third one, though, he got it. It was only a granola bar and a Kit Kat, but it was enough. 

He grabbed his treasures, closed the drawer silently, and stood up. He looked over at Andrew and Neil, but they were still asleep and in the same position as before. They looked peaceful, with their hands linked and their faces relaxed and lit by the soft moonlight that got in through the window, showing that all the worry that had colored their expressions the night before was long gone. 

Kevin sighed.

They were so beautiful it made his chest ache.

He walked silently and sat down before them on the ground. He was looking down at the food and figuring out if he should wake them up or if he should eat and save their parts for when they woke up when he heard, “so that was what you were after then.”

He startled a bit, and looked up, but then he sighed. He should’ve known better than to think he could’ve fooled Andrew. The guy had the lightest sleep ever.

“Yeah,” Kevin whispered, trying not to wake Neil, but when the auburn-haired blinked and opened up his eyes as well, he sighed. How come those two have such a light sleep? “I thought you both might want it too.”

Andrew hummed, and offered his hand which was not tangled in Neil’s. Kevin deposited the Kit Kat on top of it, because Andrew would never want the granola bar.

“Do you want the Kit Kat or the granola bar, Neil?” he turned to the other one.

“A little bit of both I think,” Neil smiled a bit, but he looked tired.

Guilt churned on Kevin’s insides. He looked tired because he had been looking after Kevin.

He looked down and opened the granola bar, opening it up and snapping it in the middle. It still had a piece bigger than the other though, and that was the one he gave Neil.

“Thanks” Neil bit on the granola bar.

They ate silently. When Neil finished his piece of the granola bar, Andrew gave him a Kit Kat stick, and then gave Kevin another one when he finished his piece of the granola.

“Oh, no-”

“Eat, Kevin,” Andrew’s glare didn’t allow further discussions.

Kevin took it with a quiet “thanks”.

When they finished eating, discarded the packages, and cleaned their hands on their pants, they looked at each other. Then at the ground. At the window. At the ceiling. At each other again. 

God, this was getting stupid.

“Anyone know what time it is?” Kevin broke the silence when he couldn’t take it anymore. It was a good question though, and one he really wanted the answer for.

“Well,” Andrew said nonchalantly as he stared across Kevin’s shoulders, to the window behind him. “We got here at 6. You panicked, and calmed down by 7. You slept a little bit after that. You had a nightmare, and started talking things in your sleep by 10. We sang to you and then you calmed down, but it took a while so I think it was already half an hour later. Neil and I kept talking,” Andrew paused and looked at Neil, who didn’t say anything, but Andrew seemed to gather something in his eyes anyway, and then turned to Kevin, “about you for a while, and then we went to think a little bit after 11 and a half. We put you on our laps before that. By what I’m feeling of how much I slept, it’s probably 3 a.m now.”

Kevin stared dumbly at Andrew’s face. There was so much to unpack in what Andrew just said that it was making him feel overwhelmed.

Did they sing to him? He had a nightmare? What did he say? Did that mean the dreams he had were not dreams anymore? Did he say something when he was panicking as well? Why were they talking about him? What did they talk about him?

_What the fuck?_

“What?”

Andrew and Neil both rolled their eyes at the same time.

“What?” Andrew asked, looking bored as fuck.

“Y-you. Uh,” Kevin felt broken. They had broken him. He could not _fucking_ function.

Neil smirked at that.

“I think you broke him, Drew.”

“I suppose I did,” Andrew inclined his head.

“It’s. Ugh,” Kevin shook his head, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. He needed to get his fucking head cleared. _Put yourself together, Day._

The thing was, he needed to think. He needed to fucking think, or he would do something stupid, like getting his hopes up, which by the way his heart was pounding inside his head, he was already doing. So, so foolish, but he couldn’t help it.

God, he needed to _think._ He couldn’t though. The expectant silence around him said he needed to say something. But what? What could he say about all the information that was thrown at him?

Ok, first things first.

“Ok,” Kevin opened his eyes to see both Neil’s and Andrew’s eyes on him, the blue and the hazel shining even in the dim light of the moonlit room. They could turn the lights on, he believed, the way it was before he had fallen asleep, but in that way, everything almost had a magical quality to it. It looked safer to expose himself in the darkness. “First, I wanted to thank you two for,” Kevin swallowed on nothing but his feelings, and took a deep breath. He looked closely at the two of them for any reactions, but both of them remained blank as a paper for now. “Taking care of me. When I needed it. I-” Kevin closed his eyes for a second before opening them again. “I don’t do well with remaining in a closed space without the option of going out. I don’t know what would’ve happened if I didn’t have the two of you here. Thank you.”

Neil’s expression softened a bit, but he said nothing. He seemed to gather Kevin wasn’t done. And, truly, he wasn’t.

What those men did for him that night was something no one but his dad had ever done for him. They deserved a little bit of the truth. As much as he could handle telling, anyway. But he would try. He wanted to share that sorrow with them tonight, if only as an offer of a part of himself no one had ever touched. Not even his father, because even if the man knew everything about that night, Kevin never talked to him about it. He couldn’t, and it was mostly because the pain on his father’s face was a mirror to his own. And it was too much for both of them to open gates to something that was related to each other and that could shatter their relationship, one the both of them held so close to the heart. But to those two in front of him, who had no connections with what had happened, and who he hadn’t even known by then, he could. Only a little bit. Just enough.

Kevin took a deep breath.

“What I said while I was panicking and sleeping?”

“You said things like ‘let me out’ and ‘let her go’ when panicking,” Neil answered, his voice soft but his face carefully empty again. No judgment or pressure. “And while you were asleep you said ‘mom’, ‘why’, and you cried a little. It was then that I started to sing.”

Well, fuck.

He hadn’t cried in his sleep for a few years now. That’s what a trigger does to a person, he guessed.

But it was alright, he reassured himself. He was safe with Neil and Andrew, and there was no pity in their expressions. Just a blank invitation for him to talk, or for him to go back to sleep. It could go either way, and they would respect it.

That thought pushed him further, because they surely deserved an explanation. And maybe, just maybe, opening this door up, letting them in just a little bit, would be good. He hoped so, at least.

“I told Neil a while ago that my mom died,” he paused and looked down at his hands on his lap, “when I was little, and that’s why I’m never okay by this time of the year.”

He couldn’t look at them right now. His voice was becoming smaller, and smaller, til’ he was whispering, but he couldn’t turn it up. He turned his finger around each other.

“She died on Christmas morning. The worst part was before that though.”

He took a deep breath. What would he choose to say?

“My mom,” he started. “Was brilliant. She had awards, and certificates, and she was a known doctor in the surgical field around the world. She created techniques and people named researches and funds on her name. She was _that_ influential,” he dry swallowed. “Mom always said fame was the worst thing that had ever happened to her, and I never understood it, but I was only nine. Now, I do. People get jealous. People get angry. People twist everything you do to hurt you if they think you don’t deserve to be where you are. And sometimes, people take things even further.”

“They hurt her,” his voice was almost gone. His eyes had tears, and he knew they would fall, but that was nothing he could do about them. He just let them be, and so they fell. But his voice didn’t quiver, and so he continued. “It was on the 23rd of December when they came. Mom knew something was happening, and she screamed for me to hide, but I wasn’t fast enough. They grabbed me and locked me in her closet. They kept hurting her just outside of the door, and they made me listen to everything. For two whole days,” he hiccuped. His hands were covered by others, and he recognized the scars on them as Neil’s, but he couldn’t look up. He just kept looking at their hands and continued to talk in that almost non-existent volume. “I stayed inside that closet. Until the cops came in after some neighbor heard the screams. They killed her before the cops could get them, though. The fuckers are in jail for a lifetime now, but. But they couldn’t save her.”

He left so many details out. So many. The details were the ones that most haunted him. 

The way his mom’s hair was all white even if she was only forty. The way his mom had been receiving threats for years now and how that shaped her into something unrecognizable, until she stopped caring. The flowers they kept sending her as a warning, frozen on their doorstep, uncollected. The candles they had lightened that night when the power was cut out. The way they glimmered on the Christmas tree in the living room. The frozen ground when he tried to run. The hole in the glove of the one who grabbed his arm and kicked him in the gut. The things those people said they would do to him if his mother didn’t stop fighting. The things they said and claimed her to be doing. The way he started doubting his own mom, because surely if those people were that angry, she must’ve done something. The sounds of her cries. The way she fought _so fucking hard_. The hungry and thirst he felt. The pee on his pants getting cold. The snow falling outside and the snowflakes bumping on the glass of the window after he came out of that fucking closet. The way he used to love snow, until he saw the blood dripping from his mom’s body and coloring it red as they took her body away. And there were many, many more.

The details that broke him. The details that shaped that story into something even more frightening and horrible.

A sob broke out of his throat and suddenly there was a body against his, holding him close on a hard chest.

“I’m so sorry,” Neil pulled him closer and said softly against his hair.

“I-It’s alright,” he managed to say, but his arms went across Neil’s waist and held him tightly.

“Clearly it’s not,” Neil said with that nonsense voice of his, while still managing to sound empathic. It was a quality few had.

Kevin just held tight and tried to calm himself down. A few minutes passed, and with each stroke of Neil’s hand on his back, Kevin relaxed further. It still hurt like a bitch reliving all those memories, but having Neil’s hands and care made everything better. And it was worth it, because they deserved to know the truth. He was starting to feel more like himself when Andrew spoke.

“I was in the foster system for a while,” both Neil and Kevin parted ways to look at Andrew. He was staring at the window, and had a blank expression on his face, but Neil seemed to gather that Andrew needed him. Neil positioned himself between Andrew and Kevin, held Kevin’s hand, and offered his other one to Andrew. After a quiet second of deliberation, Andrew took it and continued, looking at nowhere. “People thought that because I was a foster kid my body wasn’t mine, but theirs. That was before I came in to live with Aaron and Nicky.”

_Holy fucking shit._

“I’m-” Kevin started but Andrew turned to him with a glare.

“Don’t. I don’t want you to be sorry.”

Kevin gulped. The tears were dry across his face now, but he knew his face was still red and puffy. He probably never had looked more like a mess.

“What do you want then?”

“From you? Nothing.”

“Okay.”

And it really was okay, whatever that exchange had meant. Kevin’s mind was a little blurry. It had been too many emotions in a short span of time. His brain couldn’t keep up, so he just accepted that reality without thinking too much about it.

“Yeah,” Neil had a funny expression on his face, as he looked from Andrew to Kevin. “I guess we’re all fucking sob stories.”

Kevin choked out a laugh that when it got out, it didn’t stop. It probably was hysterical, but Neil started laughing too very soon, and even Andrew cracked a small smile. They laughed for a while and Kevin’s cheeks were hurting, but damn it felt good to laugh, especially with people who knew him, and he knew them. It wasn’t what he wanted -- he would always want more -- but he was now glad by that breeze who had locked them inside this classroom. This night made him even closer to his best friends, who he had known for a while, but only now was allowing them to know him further than the surface, and he loved that.

He would be forever grateful for that. Because if this night didn’t have happened, he probably would've never felt ready to open up.

“How do we find ourselves in those situations?” Neil asked as he cleaned the corner of his eyes from unshed tears.

“Bad luck, maybe,” Kevin answered in a chuckled shrug.

“I guess it’s all the Russian,” Andrew had a thoughtful look on his face, as if that was truly the answer. “Russia attracts bad things.”

“So that was the language you two sang to me?” Kevin arched a brow as his eyes changed from both of them.

“Yeah,” Neil nodded and chuckled. “My nanny was Russian and she would sing me this lullaby to sleep when I was little. Till I was five, I think. It’s creepy as shit when you search for the translation, but I found the words soothing, so when I went to live with Stuart I searched it and started to learn the language. Andrew is learning it as well, and that was the first song I showed him. I guess you liked it too,” Neil winked at him with a grin.

“I did,” Kevin smiled shyly at him. If Neil kept winking at him, Kevin would certainly do something stupid. He tried to change the subject. “You guys sing well.”

“I guess you were too sleepy to judge,” Neil said, diplomatically.

“He doesn’t. I could win American Idol though,” Andrew shrugged.

The way they both said that at the same time made Kevin grin.

“Hey,” Neil turned his outraged face at Andrew, who just shrugged again as if to say _“it’s true”._

“At least I can keep in tune,” Neil grumbled.

“Yeah, after I taught you. I suffered for months till you got it,” Andrew rolled his eyes.

“It’s difficult when you don’t have contact with music-”

“Okay, okay,” Kevin chuckled at them, who turned their too-pretty pair of eyes on him. “I got it. But I really enjoyed it though. Thank you for singing to me.”

“You’re welcome,” Neil smiled warmly at him.

“Whatever,” Andrew shrugged and turned his eyes to the ceiling as if he was the most bored person in the world. There was a faint smugness on his expressions though, and Kevin felt _good_ about being able to recognize that.

And the rest of their night passed in a much similar tone. They talked about the way they were going to shower, drink water and eat after they left this place, they teased each other, Kevin showed him his rusted Irish and a few of the dance moves he learned with his grandpa when he was still alive, Neil talked British the more tired he got -- which did _things_ to Kevin, and visibly did things to Andrew as well, by the way he kept looking at Neil like he wanted to throttle him, which meant he wanted to kiss him -- and judged Kevin and Andrew for not liking marmite, and Andrew admitted to Kevin he played violin and piano, and that his favorite food was not something sugary, but it was actually Nicky’s enchiladas, which took both Neil and Kevin by surprise.

They were discussing, in a very, _very_ loud tone, if people should mix peanut butter and peaches, when the door handler shook. 

All three of them went up to their feet in record timing, grabbed their coats and gloves, and when the tired face of the janitor opened the door after kicking it open, creating a cloud of rust and dust all around, the three just got out as fast as they could, ignoring the poor man’s shouts for explanations.

They ran as fast as they could their way out of the building, and as soon as they stepped foot outside, Kevin remembered the snowstorm last night. The air was _fucking freezing_ even if the storm was long gone, and now everything was covered in fluffy whiteness. The first rays of sunshine were coloring the sky a dark pink, and it already seemed much more blueish than cloudy today. It was good to breathe fresh air. 

It was going to be a beautiful day.

“It’s _fucking_ freezing and I _fucking_ hate _fucking_ winter, and this _fucking_ country, and I hate all this _fucking_ snow that it’s _fucking_ freezing my _fucking_ feet,” Andrew spitted angrily as they made their way down the stairs. He was already involved in his coat and had his hands gloved shut in his pockets, but was still shivering.

Andrew definitely did _not_ feel like it was going to be a beautiful day.

Kevin was putting on his outside coat as he walked a little bit faster to be beside Andrew, leaving Neil trailing behind them, busy putting on his own coat. Kevin was feeling good after the overwhelming, but excruciatingly good night he had. He was feeling brave. So, he opened his arms to Andrew, who stopped to look at him square in the face with all his angriness for the winter, directing all his hate at Kevin.

“What?” he gritted behind his teeth. He was already flushed from the cold, and Kevin needed to remind himself that even if he felt hope that _whatever_ could happen, it still didn’t, and therefore, he couldn’t kiss Andrew’s face till he was flushing for a very different reason.

“I’m warm and big. Come here. We’ll walk to the car together,” Kevin waited patiently with his arms open as Andrew seemed to be making his mind. His hate for cold won at the end.

“I _fucking_ hate this stupid _fucking_ weather,” Andrew grumbled as he walked and in a second his arms tightened around Kevin’s middle.

Kevin took a breath, noticing how it clouded before him, to remind himself that he couldn’t touch Andrew without permission. 

“Can I hug you too?”

“Hug me right now or die,” Andrew grumbled from where he had shoved his face on Kevin’s chest.

Kevin laughed at that. God, when had been the last time he had laughed so much in a night? His arms immediately went around Andrew and held him close. 

He took a couple of seconds to feel Andrew against him. He was tiny, but he was large and muscled under all the layers of fabric covering his skin. He wondered how Andrew would feel against him naked, and immediately shoved that thought away. He had no right to think about that. 

Fucking hormones.

“Well, now that we’re all warm and cozy, we should get the hell away from here,” Neil said beside them. Kevin turned to see Neil smiling brightly at the sight of them hugging, and Kevin felt hope burning even further on his chest. Oh, this was a dangerous disquieting thing to feel, but Kevin wouldn’t want it any other way. 

“Let’s go,” Kevin started walking, Andrew clutching tightly to him as they made their way through the parking lot. 

He took care to make sure Andrew’s steps were on the parts where the snow-covered layer on the ground was as thin as possible, and in that way, they slowly but surely went in the direction of the GS. Neil was chatting to them all the time, making sure Andrew had something other than the cold to complain about as they walked through the early morning chill, Kevin being a willing participant in that endeavor.

When they finally arrived at the GS, Andrew made sure Kevin went with him to the pilot door, where he as fast as he could, opened it, and shoved himself inside as he turned the heat on. Kevin already missed the warmth and the weight of Andrew clinging to him, but shook it off, and got in as well on his place on the backseat.

Neil was already inside on the seat beside Andrew, and trying to warm up Andrew’s hand with his own. When Kevin settled though, Neil turned and smiled brightly at him.

“Team _keep Andrew warm_ has now an official new member. Welcome!”

~

_Neilio: come to the basement_

_Kev: why? i need to grab lunch in the cafeteria_

_Neilio: i have something for you to eat here just come_

_Kev: ok ok_

_Kev: is andrew w u?_

_Neilio: yep_

Kevin sighed and put his cellphone in his jean’s pocket, already making his way through the crowd of hungry teenagers to the music department. Arriving there, a much less populated area, he turned left, right, then left again, till he got to the door Neil and Andrew had shown him last week. Without hesitation, he opened it, and went down the stairs.

It was the last day of term, and in only a few days, it was going to be Christmas. Last week, he had spent the night at school with both Andrew and Neil, and things had changed a lot between them in the meantime. They were closer, sure, but… There was a lot more touching now. Hugs, kisses on the cheek, leaning on each other, and even finding excuses to hold hands, even if only for a couple of seconds. That was one of the biggest changes he noticed. Also, the couple had been including Kevin in a lot of their plans, like going to the movies, dinner at Neil’s, sitting on the roof, or going to the basement, which seemed to be Andrew’s preferred hiding spot on the too-cold days, just like today. 

But the truer, bigger change was in their conversations. They talked. A lot. They were more truthful about their feelings, and Kevin discovered a lot of new things about the two people he considered his best friends. And it was good. It was better than good, actually. There was still much more he wanted to learn about those two, but mostly, he wanted to learn if it was right he kept his hopes up. There seemed to be signs now, but, could they really be signs? Was it a friendship they wanted or were they including him more as a test to see if he could fit in with them? Did he pass? 

God, he sure as fuck hoped so. 

He reached the landing and opened the door. Inside, Neil and Andrew were sitting on the carpet instead of on the couch, like they mostly did. In front of them sat a picnic basket and there seemed to be a lot of food, which made Kevin’s mouth water immediately. Wait, was that steak sandwiches?

“Hey,” Neil smiled brightly at him, standing so he could go on his tiptoes and kiss Kevin’s cheek as he got closer to them. It was a new thing now. A very, absolutely amazing new thing.

“Hey,” Kevin smiled and did the same. They sat down on the carpet, each beside Andrew, who raised his hand and cupped Kevin’s cheek in an almost clinical way. But Kevin knew better. At least he hoped so.

“Everything good?” Andrew asked, a slight frown on his forehead.

“Yes,” Kevin smiled and inclined his head to the touch, before Andrew took his hand away. 

Kevin looked around and noticed how much fucking food Neil had brought.

The basement wasn’t big by all means. It was just a bunch of broken instruments leaning on the wooden wall, the ancient couch, the even more ancient carpet, and that was it. That was the whole room. It was around 200 feet square, and not much, but it was cozy, warm, and it provided privacy so they could talk freely, and Andrew could smoke. Surely for other things too, but that was _not_ a topic at the moment.

So, considering that the amount of food Neil bought covered almost all the length of the carpet, Kevin could say it was _a lot_ of food.

“What’s all of this?” he asked as he looked between Neil and Andrew. 

His heart was starting to beat faster, but he didn’t want to read more into this than it was. Maybe it was just Neil deciding he wanted to celebrate the end of the term and that’s it. Maybe it was just that. Probably it was just that.

“First, tell me, how’s your dad?” Neil smirked.

Kevin rolled his eyes.

“Still pissed as fuck. He didn’t believe that it wasn’t our fault that the fucking door closed not even a bit, and somehow he found a way to blame it all on Andrew.”

Andrew just hummed around the donut he had in his mouth.

“Yeah, well, he’ll get over it. At least I hope,” Neil shrugged and had a smile on his face, but he seemed nervous.

“He will, eventually. But why the question?” Kevin asked softly. He didn’t want to push, but he _really_ wanted to know what was going on.

“You see,” Neil hesitated, and looked at Andrew when he bit his lip. Andrew nodded, and after he finished his donut, he gave his hand to Neil. Neil took a deep breath and turned to Kevin. “It would be really bad for us if our boyfriend’s dad didn’t like us.”

But.

But.

But.

Kevin kept waiting for the but, but it didn’t come. 

Surely, that was a joke. A cruel joke that made his insides twist with that hope that once was a candlelight burn and now was a fucking bone fire. He kept looking at them with his dumb as fuck face on, waiting for any kind of reaction that told him that this was _not_ happening, but they just kept looking at him. Earnestly, waiting for his answer, and then warry, and then, finally worried.

“Kevin, is everything alri-” Neil had a frown on his face.

“Are you serious?” Kevin’s voice was rough. It was kind of choked and he probably was looking like a train had just passed on top of him, all blind surprise and barely held-on hope.

“Yes, we are,” Neil smiled at him, but it was kind of anxious.

“We want you to be our boyfriend,” Andrew added gravely, his expression calm and collected. As if waiting for rejection.

As if that was _fucking possible_.

“Can I hug you both? At the same time?” Kevin choked out. He wanted that so much he couldn’t believe it was finally happening.

“Yes!” Neil smiled brightly now, and opened his arms.

“Yes,” Andrew nodded, his face now truly relaxed with a happier shine to his amber eyes.

And then Kevin didn’t hold back. He practically jumped on top of them both and took advantage of his long limbs to reach them both and bring them close to him. Neil squealed and laughed and Andrew only huffed, but neither of them held back either. They both squeezed him just as tight, and Kevin rested his head on top of theirs, still sitting on top of the carpet, and somehow, managing not to spill any food on his haste to get to his boyfriends.

“So this is yes?” Neil asked from where he had pressed his face onto Kevin’s shoulder.

“It’s obviously a yes,” Kevin rolled his eyes and kissed the auburn strands of Neil’s hair.

He felt so _fucking happy_. He couldn’t stop smiling.

“So it’s a yes for a kiss too?” Andrew had taken his head out of the curve of Kevin’s neck and now was defiantly looking inside Kevin’s eyes.

Kevin almost choked. His face surely was red but he didn’t fucking care. He was going to kiss Andrew. His boyfriend. And then he was going to kiss Neil, his other boyfriend.

Jesus Christ. 

“Of course it’s a fucking yes.”

“Then do it.”

And Kevin didn’t need to be told twice. 

He didn’t reach for any part of Andrew, he kept the hand he had on Andrew’s back in place, and closed the distance only with his mouth. Andrew cupped his cheek and placed a hand on his thigh as they kissed. The kiss was slow, but sure. It was comfort, security, and everything Kevin had ever dreamed of. It was better, and it was softer than anyone thought Andrew capable of being, if not Neil and Kevin, who knew better now. He knew how deeply Andrew cared, how deeply he felt. He knew how Andrew was hurt, and how he survived. He knew how Andrew was the best pianist there was, and how the songs he wrote were raw and so, so pretty, but how he still struggled to tie his shoelaces. And he wanted to know more. Kevin wanted to drown in Andrew, and he kissed him as he meant it, because he did. He opened his mouth and let Andrew flood him with all that power he yielded, all the feelings and things he couldn’t and wouldn’t ever say, but he could show. This was Andrew saying “I appreciate you”, “I want you” and “stay”. And Kevin answered in kind, pouring all he had into the kiss, licking Andrew’s tongue with his in a slow and sensual move that said “I love you”, “I have wanted you for so long”, and “I’ll never let you go”.

When they parted, it was only so he could turn and do the same to Neil. He didn’t ask because Neil had been the one to guide his head in the first place, and Kevin wouldn’t deny Neil anything, ever. Neil could have all the kisses he wanted. All the hugs, and words, and anything, and his complete surrender to his best friend was what Kevin tried to say with this kiss. Their kiss was energetic, but it was determinate and forceful. It was as if they were reaching out and not _daring_ to let go, it was as if everything they wanted was _finally, finally_ under their hands. And it was true. With Neil’s tongue licking inside his mouth and making Kevin’s head spin, he had never felt so complete, so happy, especially with Andrew right by their side. He raised his hand and put his fingers between the auburn strands and felt the velvetiness of them, but also how he would certainly become addicted to this. He wouldn’t ever get enough of Neil, and his chest seemed to be so full of love and want that he needed to break their kiss so he could breathe, but not without one, two, three last pecks on Neil’s plush mouth.

He kept his eyes closed and tucked Neil's head in his shoulder. He wouldn’t do the same to Andrew, but he actually did it himself. He held both of his boyfriends close and took a deep breath as he said, “I have wanted this for so long. You both. Us. I can’t believe you want me back.”

“We both have wanted you for a long time as well,” Neil sighed and tightened his hold around Kevin’s middle. “But you were always so unapproachable, and you seemed so closed off. We waited, though. After that night in school, I felt like you finally let us in. So now, here we are,” Neil ended with a chuckle.

“It was a good thing we spent that night here,” Andrew said from his place on Kevin’s shoulder. He had one of his hands on Kevin’s thigh and the other was holding Neil’s hand.

“It truly was,” Kevin nodded and kissed both of their heads.

“Ok, now how about we eat before lunch break ends?” Neil got out from his place tucked in Kevin’s side, and quickly Andrew did the same so he could reach another donut and tucked it inside his mouth.

“Pass me the steak sandwich,” Kevin asked Neil, who did, and put the steak sandwich in Kevin’s hands with a peck on his lips.

And Kevin smiled.

In the last week, Kevin had smiled more than he ever did in any other time of the year. Obviously, he still thought about his mother. He still cried at night, and relieved those terrible, horrible days inside that closet. He still flinched at the sight of snow when he wasn’t expecting it. He still hated the color red, if it was not the shade of Neil’s hair. He still had his issues, and surely the 25th was going to be the absolute worst in the Wymack-Weinfield-Day household, and Kevin still had days in which he wondered if waking up was worth it after all.

But then he would look at his phone and see his, Neil’s and Andrew’s group chat and see a photo of King’s mess Andrew had sent, as he always did first thing in the morning, because he knew Kevin liked it. He would see Neil’s photos asking about which jeans he should wear, even if he would always choose the same one with holes in them, because he knew Kevin liked to bitch about Neil’s need for new clothing, with Andrew as a thoroughly supportive boyfriend on Kevin’s endeavor on teaching Neil some fashion sense. And he would smile. He would remember that yes, there are reasons to wake up. There are reasons to push through, to work on his issues, and to be better. He had his best friends, now boyfriends, by his side, he had his dad, his team, and a bright future full of possibilities, instead of only a past made of ashes.

And yeah, he still hated Christmas. But now, as he ate his sandwich and admonished Andrew for eating his fourth donut, whilst Neil sang obnoxiously to another Russian song, he found that maybe he wouldn’t hate it so much in the future. 

If those two remained by his side, anything was possible.

**Author's Note:**

> That was it! Thank you so much for reading.  
> Kudos and comments are very much appreciated, and in case any of you wanna chat, here is my [Tumblr](https://jostenrun.tumblr.com/) and my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/sunabram).
> 
> Any mistakes in this are my own, so if you find any let me know, please.  
> See you all next time, happy holidays! <3


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